BENT is a vibrant and vivacious youth event held every other month at the SF Citadel. This event has a loyal following among young San Franciscans and attracts many unique attendees who find the energy and lusty appeal of BENT sets it apart from other dungeon events. BENT is the SF Citadel’s longest running and largest dungeon event, routinely drawing well over 300 of the city’s sexiest perverts to play and socialize.
BENT events feature funny, tongue-in-cheek, and/or sexy performances in connection to the event’s theme.
Every BENT has a theme, and costumes are not required but are encouraged! Check the FetLife BENT group or the calendar at SFCitadel.org for specific event details and costume suggestions. If you don’t wish to costume, basic black, fetish, leather, lace, lingerie, or anything sexy/dressy will do! We do have a “no effort = no entry” policy, so if you haven’t put any thought into your attire, you may be turned away at the door.
For the purpose of this event, “youth” is 18, 19, 20’s and 30’s. More information about our age limit policy and consent culture at BENT can be found here.
Frequently Asked Questions
Question: Is alcohol served at BENT?
Answer: The SF Citadel does not have a liquor license. Alcoholic drinks are neither served nor allowed to be brought into BENT. Given the XXX environment, we think it’s safer (and more fun) that way!
Question: Do I have to be a member, or buy a ticket or something? Do I just show up?
Answer: There is no membership required, and for BENT there are no pre-sale tickets (entry is $20 at the door, cash is preferred but we also accept credit cards). RSVPs are not required. So in that sense, yes, you just “show up”! Especially if you’re new to clubs like the Citadel, we strongly recommend arriving by 8:30pm for our fun & sexy orientation. If you’re completely new to kink/BDSM, sometimes a play environment like BENT is a bit overwhelming. You might consider checking out Bondage-a-Go-Go (held every Wednesday at the Cat Club), which is a bar/nightclub with a PG-13 dungeon space in the back – it’s a bit more of a gentle entry than jumping right into the XXX deep end of BENT! You might also consider checking out some of the social events or classes that the Citadel offers, or socials at Wicked Grounds.
Question: I’m worried about meeting the dress code! Can I wear ____?
Answer: The general dress code is “no effort = no entry.” It is not common for us to turn people away at the door. Basically, you need to look like you’ve dressed for a night out, not stumbled into the venue on your way to the gym or randomly off the street. Think of what you would wear to a nice bar, fancy date, or even a work event. Any of the following will work:
- A costume that fits with the theme
- Polished basic black (read: not a ratty black t-shirt and sweats)
- Any type of fetish wear (from a furry suit to full latex)
- Dressy attire – anything from a tux/ballgown to what you might wear to a formal interview
While nudity is allowed and welcomed in the play spaces, we do not recommend walking around the social area completely nude (and if you are nude, you need to bring something to cover the furniture before sitting). Generally, wearing at least underwear while in the social areas is best.
Question: I am gay/lesbian. Is BENT lesbian/gay friendly, or is it mostly a heteronormative crowd?
Answer: BENT has a large number of attendees who identify somewhere in the realm of “queer.” However, the majority of the attendees are generally het-presenting to some extent (there are a lot of bi and pansexual folks at the event, but sometimes it may not appear that way at first glance).
If you’re interested in meeting people who identify as gay or lesbian, we are not sure you’ll have the best luck at BENT, because that is not a large portion of our attendees. If you’re interested in meeting people who identify more as queer/genderfluid/bi/pan, that’s more likely at BENT. If you’re coming with a partner and just interested in playing, we very much welcome all gender and play dynamics at BENT! At any given time in the playspace you will usually see many dynamics represented, and the attendees are overall very open and friendly to this. If at any point during the event you were made to feel less than welcome, please know that as event hosts we 100% want this to be an inclusive space, and if you experience any issues we will take action in accordance with our code of conduct (this particular issue hasn’t come up at BENT specifically, and we have always found it to be a very friendly crowd, but if it did come up we would certainly want to know and do what we can to fix it).
Question: I am coming to BENT single. Will I be able to meet people to play with?
Answer: It can be a challenge to meet people at any event like this, because it’s more of a play-focused environment than a mixer or matchmaking environment. You will very much be relying on all the social skills you’d use in any other space to meet new people, with the caveat that at the SF Citadel there are some very important rules for social interaction, such as never touching a person or their property without explicit consent, not assuming gender/pronouns/titles, etc. If you’re foggy on any of these concepts, be sure to arrive at BENT by 8:30pm for our interactive dungeon orientation!
We do offer a few things to help those who are interested in meeting new people. At the door, we have green glow bracelets that you can choose to put on – these are an indication that you are are open to social interaction with folks you don’t know. They are not blanket permission for any sort of play, and of course just because someone is interested in meeting new people in general doesn’t mean they are interested in you specifically (and just because you have a bracelet on, doesn’t entitle anyone else to your time or attention), so you must still use all your social skills and pay attention to body language. And of course NO MEANS NO!
Another good way to meet people is to volunteer at the event! We have openings for kitchen and door volunteers, which don’t require any special training. We also need volunteers for Dungeon Monitor and Cashier; training for these positions is offered a few times a year. Check the Citadel calendar or volunteers FetLife group to find the next trainings. E-mail volunteers AT sfcitadel.org to inquire about a shift! Sometimes shifts fill up over a week in advance, so don’t wait until the last minute to volunteer.
If you come to BENT single, we recommend that you focus on making friends and watching play. If you arrive with an attitude of being desperate for play, that comes across in your interactions and generally doesn’t result in good outcomes.
Certainly some BENT attendees do connect with others and end up doing “pick-up play.” That said, most people who play at BENT are with someone they came with, or meet up with friends/play partners at the event. You do have to be with a partner to enter the play zone, however there is a pathway through the play space where everyone is welcome, and a good view to watch from there!
In general, it can be easier to meet people at social events like munches (at Wicked Grounds and other locations) or peer workshops (like the monthly peer rope workshop at the Citadel) rather than play parties like BENT, in our experience. There is a huge community calendar with LOTS of social/mixer/munch type events here!
We often hold a BENT Kinky Speed Connections event the day before BENT, which is an excellent opportunity to meet people! Check the Citadel calendar for more information.
Have more questions? Feel free to e-mail us: bent.sf AT gmail.com! 🙂